the four right chords can make me cry

to vi: yesh, waiters are cute! ahahaha! but im not looking for that right now lah. anyway i hardly know them, they might be real jerks once you know them better.

thanks to all the ppl who came to visit me recently! loved just seeing you there, brightened up my work a little each time. today was timo, yesterday veron lijuan and sern yong. =) HUG!

talking to annie today, NUS life science sounds like a really cut-throat place. argh, its sobering to realise that in a few months i will be thrown back into the competitive, fast-paced, do-or-die paperchase. damn. the higher you go in the education system, the worse the competition gets. and i HATE competing, brings out the worst in people, brings out the worst in me.

turns out ben wasnt angry with me at all, he asked me cheerfully how catering went. yay =). but i might have made the other ben angry on saturday, sure hope not.

i miss abang and ahneh... saturday was bang's last day, and i didnt know till today. ahneh went back to india some weeks ago. people just walk in and out of your life, time goes by really quickly. cliche but true. i guess this is why some people deliberately prevent themselves from forming any attachments, so that there's no pain when it's gone. (sounds so buddhist, not forming any worldly attachments) not that i really knew them so well la. but i think its better to try to know people and let yourself like them and lose them along the way than to stay cold and never know the warm mushy feelings of friendship.

me? i'm learning to live with loneliness. hardening myself, bracing myself for the worst, to survive. i dont want to think about it, for now, i just want to exist. contradictory eh? but i actually typed this paragraph first, then on second thought inserted the one above it. welcome to my world, my mind going two ways at once.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:04 AM